The Going Out Guide to Going Out by Jon Horne 2001 © Touch Nottingham (internet magazine and What's On guide) Going Out is not just a matter of leaving the house. Work doesn't count, and nor does shopping. Going out is a social process. It is our reason for being. Going Out may revolve around an event - the opening night of the bangingest club in Christendom perhaps, or a nine-hour Norman Wisdom retrospective at your local arts cinema - but to qualify as Going Out, the primary purpose of your being there must be social. Either you're meeting someone there, or you want to meet someone there. Enjoying an event alone is a perfectly valid thing to do, but being entertained is not the same thing as Going Out. Human beings are pack animals, with a propensity for pair-bonding, and a limited capacity for solitude. We have inescapable urges to cuddle, fight, and pick fleas off each other. Children see trees, and want to climb them. They may not be aware that they are doing this in order to avoid being eaten by a passing lion, but it's still the reason. An adult sees a group of other adults whom s/he knows, and wants to hang around with them for as long as it takes to re-establish a bond with that group, and to check his/her own place within the group. Just as we build climbing frames in order to allow kids to follow their instincts in a manner befitting a civilised society, so we build pubs and nightclubs, theatres, multiplex cinemas and continental-style cafe/wine bars, where adults can sit or stand in proximity that is close enough to pick up all the non-verbal and chemical signals which would mean the same thing to a Cro-Magnon as they mean to you or me. The insanely codified mating rituals of past generations are temporarily out of favour, and it is relatively acceptable in our society to just do the eye-contact-plus-chat-up-line thing and hope for the best. This means that much of the time spent Going Out can involve looking for someone to go home with. The way some of us behave when we're out, we're not all that far away from simply smelling each other's armpits to see who's on heat. But it's not just about sex - although a single person who tells you that s/he is merely going out in order to have a good time, and doesn't want to get off with anyone thank you very much, is probably only telling half the truth. Indeed, there is something very sad about a group of people of the same gender who are all simultaneously out on the pull. Going Out is about social bonding, whereas this is all about competition. For all their cackling/guffawing, their backslapping or dancing around handbags, it is obvious to anyone watching, that every person in that group is dying to meet someone, and in doing so, to ditch the rest of the group. This is not to denigrate going out on the pull. We all do it, and the results can sometimes be very pleasant. Nor is it to deny our competitive instincts. Packs have a hierarchy, and all our preening and posing, joke-telling and petty niggling serve to place each of us somewhere within that hierarchy. Like it or not, the alpha male of one pack will usually end up in the same bed as the alpha female of another. (And if he happens to prefer other males, he still won't end up with the ugly bloke that no one really likes.) We refer to our sexual partner as the person that we are 'going out with'. This is not just a euphemism, or even a charming anachronism (along the lines of 'walking out with' or 'courting'). It is a straightforward description of ones relationship with that person. Coupling does not just happen in bed. To be a genuine couple, you have to go out with that person and meet your friends. They will then recognise your bond, react to it, and the social group will re-form around you - unless you've pulled someone whom everyone else hates, in which case the group may re-form without you, and you'll have a lonely time ahead. Going Out is the purest expression of human primate behaviour. Work is essential, so as to eat and find shelter, and sex is essential, so as to breed and pair-bond. But they are only a small part of a primate's life. Chimpanzees spend most of their time just hanging around together, being soppy with each other, squabbling amongst themselves, and generally communicating. So do we. We commune as a group, and we fight as a group; it's part of our make-up. A person who is always working and alive to the next opportunity - even when they're not actually at work - may fancy himself as a carnivorous beast, a predator in the jungle of capitalism, but really he is no different to a grazing animal, always looking for the next tasty blade of grass. Buying a round for your friends (or if you can't afford that, getting a drink at the same time as your friends) is the essential part of Going Out. Sharing something that could be yours alone (with any ulterior motives that this implies) is central to social bonding. Being entertained comes from the same source: you want to drink from the same waterhole, to share the same experience as someone else. Being able to talk means that we don't all have to be there at the same time. The difference between humans and chimpanzees is that we don't just have to sit there grooming each other; we can tell each other what we've been up to in the last week or so, and share a sample of our experiences with the rest of our pack. But language is not enough. We all know people who need to get out more. Social bonding is instinctive, but it takes practice as well. Go out this weekend. If you've got money, buy a round. If you're skint, hang on in there for an hour until someone else buys you a pint. If you're teetotal, drink lemonade. Dance. If you can't stand crowds, or if the whole nightclub thing is too much like hard work, put a tape on and dance around the kitchen - but get someone else to join in. Music, beer and other drugs are only there to help us behave more like primates and less like robots. If you don't like music, beer and drugs, then you've just got to put a bit more effort into allowing your instincts to rise to the surface. Do it. You need to get out more. - - - read more rants and raves